A Protest to Living Mindlessly

I sit up in bed. Whereas in the past I would be rushing to the morning prayer service, I now just sit. When I suspended some of my religious practices, I did so out of philosophical integrity. If I saw no reason to believe in Judaism as some ultimate truth, then to act out of guilt or fear would be inconsistent and inauthentic. I would arise and strengthen myself not to pray and feel a sense of, I'm tempted to say, religious fulfillment.

Yet, as life has become busier, and my mind hasn't the time to contemplate the "answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything," I find myself slipping into a state of secular mindedness. A superficial perception of reality. A reality in which life loses some, if not all, of it's wonder and grandeur.

To be secular (in the way I am defining it here) is to see life as a machine and not a mystery, to experience life as a happening and not a calling.

To be clear, I do not view the lives of the great movers and shakers of the centuries-passed as secular people. Though they may not have identified to a specific faith, they seemed to live their lives with a sense of purpose. They sought to better the world. Through their innovations, discoveries, and movements,  they changed and it many ways made the world we inherited a more pleasant place to be.

I realize as I write this that "secular" may not be the word I should use. Perhaps mindless is more appropriate? Either way, I fear a life, just lived. Indeed, some people are alive today, simply because they didn't die yesterday.

Religion, with all it's flaws, gives man a reason to get up in the morning, a duty to perform. And though, much of the time the practices become rote and almost meaningless, the practices and traditions themselves protest a life lived mindlessly. A religious man doesn't just eat, he recognizes that some do not have, and is thankful for his portion. He does not just wake up, but is aware that tomorrow he may not, and feels the preciousness of life.

Religion causes one to become reflective on life and introspective of self. Religion causes one to live mindfully.

However, I must say that though I see the gifts religion has given it's followers, I still find it outrageous to accept any religion as ultimate truth until it can be proven. Do not call it God's will unless you can back up that claim! I recognize that many faiths, Judaism included, have attempted to prove that their beliefs trump the others. And, where this makes for a delightful debate, for it to be of any worth one would have to prove that God communicated with man at all, which would lead to the necessary proving of God; a current impossibility. God, like Bertrand Russel's "celestial teapot," is an unfalsifiable claim, rendering it's discussion a disappointing dead-end. Therefore, one can conclude, no religion, by way of negating another religion, can prove itself, and any attempt to prove religion will result in inconclusive arguments for the existence of God. Without proof of God, how could you prove he spoke to man?

This then is my challenge to all faiths or religions who claim to know the word of God: The burden of proof is on you. You must bring sufficient proof that you are in fact a divinely inspired philosophy of life before any rational person should accept you as such. I think that it would be a great benefit of the world if we viewed our religions as philosophies of life. Suggestions to a wholesome and meaningful existence, while remaining only the work of humans and therefore imperfect. We could then present them, critically examine them, and either accept or abandon their teachings as we do everything else. Why believe dogma without evidence?

I do not to know if indeed the world void of religions claiming to be God's will would be a better world. Surely there have been philosophies that have claimed millions of human lives when in the hands of the wicked. Maybe the world needs to believe in religion for it to have it's effect?

On an individual level however, I see no reason to accept what any man claims if he cannot offer proof. This, it seems to me, is a rational way with which to approach all of life, a certain healthy skepticism.

To conclude, I fear greatly a life lived mindlessly. Since religion offers a structure for living everyday mindfully I can see it's value. However, I think the world, or at the very least the wise individual, should view them in the context of philosophies, and should examine their positive as well as negative aspects. Unless a religion can be proven to be actually some eternally binding Divine truth, which, as I have shown above, I believe to be a current impossibility, it is the most rational response then, to be skeptical of it's claims.

I Do Not Believe, I Hope

While walking alone last Friday night I thought deeply about a world with no God. I thought about the rational way to live in a world void of a god. Would there ever be cause worth dying for? Is there really a reason to try and make the world a better place? And probably most awakening question: In a world where death is the inevitable end, is there any reason to fall in love? Indeed one could extrapolate that: Is there any reason to continue to live?

As I walked alone, I contemplated the utter loneliness of a godless world. The dark street enveloped my mind. It became apparent to me why man would believe blindly in God, and has for many centuries. To face this world as what it is, a material and rather brief existence, is to become aware that the calling of your conscience is a product of chemicals reacting in your brain, and not whispers from a world beyond. It is to grasp that the grave for which we are all bound is approaching rapidly and is truly the end. There is no god looking down and guiding the world to some sublime paradise. There will be no resurrection of passed loved ones, no destroying of the evil, and, worst of all, no purpose for anything that ever was or ever will be.

Thankfully, science has yet to prove unequivocally that God doesn't actually exist, and for the sake of mankind, I hope never will.

I do not believe in God. That is to say, I do not know without doubt that above us is a supernatural Being who is attentive to the world and cares about it's continual existence.

However, in order to continue to strive towards greatness, to have a rationale for my moral actions, I feel the need to hope there is a God. To hope that there is a purpose to my existence, a reason for me to continue to be. Otherwise, I see no reason to love, to laugh, to battle evil, to sacrifice... to be. That hope is what makes all of life meaningful.

 I don't know how long this hope will last. It is hard for me to make an argument for God. All his actions seem non-sensible. Why create a world, then wait billions of years to connect to man, hide yourself from them, and let evil destroy your world? Is it all to test the devotion of the lucky ones born to families of believers? How are we to know which god you are? Are you the popular one of the last few centuries, or perhaps a forgotten god(s)?

The more I learn about evolution (which is very little at this point) the less God is needed to explain the mysteries of the world.

Yet, I hope.

All that being said, I see no reason to believe or trust any of the religions that claim to know God's will. There is no reason, and it is in fact ludicrous, to accept that one preacher knows the will of God more than the next! Why should I live by a set of statues whose divine origin cannot be proved? Religions have always capitalized on man's need for there to be something more than this world and have created elaborate structures to nurture that need. Perhaps a lot of people need that?  Perhaps, to keep that "God hope" alive one needs a structure that claims to be divine? Perhaps, even I will need one eventually?

So to sum up, no, I do not believe that God exists, I hope God exists.

Is God or Isn't He?

Do I believe in God?

I challenge myself with this question everyday. I waver from agnostic yet inclined to believe, to agnostic inclined to be skeptical. I know what I want. I want there to be a God. I want him to some how make sense of this chaotic world I was born into. I want that his real plan is universal equality and brotherhood.

My fantasy now is that there is a God, and that he is attentive to the world, yet all the religions are wrong and in no way his actual design for creation. Of course, there is no reason why this should be true, which is precisely the reason I wrote "fantasy" as opposed to belief.

What if there is no god?

If that doesn't send chills down your spine, I would say that you either believe absolutely (and therefore the question is meaningless) or do not understand the importance of a god being.

Why is God so important? For without God, this world with it's horrors, with it's unbridled evil is all there is. Yes, there are beautiful things in this world even without the existence of a god but do they really outweigh the darkness? The possibility that one only has this brief lifetime whose end is cold dirt and decomposing flesh. What a horrifying thought! Without a god, everything we do or achieve, everything we build or perfect, regardless how lofty, is utterly meaningless. Indeed one must regard the words of Ecclesiastes: "Futility of futilities -- says Ecclesiastes -- futility of futilities. All is futile!" (Ecclesiastes 1:2)

Some may rightfully disagree with me. Some thinkers find a certain irony or comfort in the knowledge that this is it, and there is no beyond. This way of thinking confounds me greatly.

Someone may read this and assume that I then say that God must exist. That is not what I mean to say in the slightest. What I mean is that God is certainly the ultimate comfort. A warm blanket to wrap yourself in when confronted by tragedy or humbled by the strength of nature. Is it really a wonder why man would have felt the need to create him?

Yet I cannot proclaim, and may never be able to, that God absolutely does not exist or even that I am almost certain that he does not.

Is it simply a childhood indoctrination or perhaps a connection to the wondrous and mystical? I do not know. Ah, how frequent is that statement these days: "I do not know."

So do I believe in God? No. Do I accept him as a possibility? Yes. Do I live my life as if he is or isn't? Depends on the day. What a strange place to be. Unlike the believer or the atheist, I do not have some "philosophy of life" that I can say I live my life by. I am a small ship being tossed about in the mass ocean of doubt.

I therefore must leave off echoing the words of the great Greek philosopher Socrates who admitted: "The only thing that I know, is that I do not know anything.

Dear God - A Letter from Your Son

Dear God,

Where are you that I might find you?

I believed in you. Then I searched for you and found nothing? I saw pain. I saw love. I saw darkness. I saw light. I saw misery. I saw comfort. Are you all of these or none of these? Are you... at all?

Preachers say they know you. They claim to know your will. They say we must follow them and they will lead us to you. But there are so many preachers and they all have different claims; who then am I to follow in order to find you?

Psalmists say they have seen you. That they have experienced your glory. Their eyes fell upon a sunset and their lips declared your name. But I am not psalmist. I only see a setting sun. How then am I to see you?

Prophets say they have heard you. That you communicate your will to them. But I am not a prophet why do you not want to talk to me?

Scientists say you are non-existent. They say you are just part of the human imagination. They say the world proves it.

Why have you left me?

They say you're my father. That you love and care for me, but then why have you turned your back on me?

They say you're my king. That you are the ruler of all, but how am I to serve that which I don't know exists?

That is the truth; I do not know that you exist. I want you to exist. Most of my life has been engulfed in that hope. Yet now, I see no reason to believe in you. They say you authored a book, that its contents are eternal, that its ways are pleasant, but why then is my moral conscience repelled by it?

Do you know that most people have stopped caring whether or not you exist, they just care if they feel good or not? You are their escape from reality or worse, the sword in their hands. You have been used to start wars, to burn cities, to sacrifice life.

Do you simply not care? Why do you let your name be defiled and used to motivate evil?

They tell me I'm supposed to praise you daily, yet you let darkness roam free when you have the power to stop it, what is praiseworthy about that?

Some say that this is all part of some master plan and that evil is really good. Why should I accept that? Babies at the mercy of monsters is good? How foolish!

God, you are comfort; but is that all you really are? A light at the end of a black tunnel? A friend to hide behind when fear strikes?

Am I a heretic because I use the intellect you gave me? Why would you give me a mind powerful enough to destroy you?

I will serve you, if I know you.

I will love you, if I know you.

If not, if this is the lot of the man who searches for you, then God, I guess I'll go on from here without you. My heart stings as I write this. I loved you so much. I served you. I spread what I thought was your truth and you left me in the desert without water, you turned your back.

Are you mad at me?

Am I now your enemy?

Are you happy with me?

Is this the Divine plan?

Best wishes,

Your (un)faithful son

Faith vs. Reason

What is to be considered more praiseworthy: Faith or reason?

What should be the greatness of man, if he perfects his art of reasoned thinking or if he has absolute faith? The basic follow-up to this question is faith in what? We can surely say that when you meet a man who believes that Elvis is still alive and the man beside him lives a life of reason, we would surely respect more the man of reason. The religious man would thus claim: Faith based on logical reason is the greatness of man.

He will say that whereas the Elvis believer is simply foolish, his religious belief is based off reason and therefore far more superior.

This is a great flaw in the thinking of many religious people. They, like most humans, respect and demand reason in their daily lives. Moreover, they scoff at beliefs based on no reason, yet when it comes to the real proof of their own beliefs, they demand a certain so-called "transcending" of reason. They seek to use and abandon reason at their will.

Isn't odd that in all other aspects of our lives we strive, albeit many times unsuccessfully, to make decisions based on a logical thought process. In fact, we rationalize so many of our life choices in order to fool ourselves and others that we are logically oriented people. Yet, when it comes to religion we are asked to abandon our reason and "transcend" to the plain of knowledge beyond. Is this not a preposterous request?!

Why should we abandon reason and believe in a group of Divine laws?

And so begins the argument for and against religion's utilitarian purpose in the world.

Truth is lost. Reason scorned. "Faith is the ultimate, if it's my faith... not yours. Yours is ridiculous and senseless." Quite sensible is it not?

When Belief Isn't Humble

I feel as though I have been punched in the stomach. I just skimmed through a book written by a leading Jewish rabbi about belief in God. As I read the words I began to feel sicker by the page. He espoused a great hate for the evolutionists saying that they are irrational and foolish because they claim the universe was an accident and the author claims that if only they weren't so foolish they would see the clear truth that God exists.

The book basically focuses on different scientific phenomena, explaining their complex nature and repeatedly exclaiming: "Is it reasonable in the slightest to claim this is an accident! If only the blind academics would open their eyes, but they choose to keep them sealed."(This is not a direct quote). The author cites different evolutionists and mocks their words.

The saddest part for me was that he cited many evolutionists, including Darwin himself, saying that when he comes before the complexities in nature it is truly staggering to believe it was all an accident. Which the author than uses to call them foolish for still believing. What I understood from this, was that they saw the difficulties in their theories while he saw his opinion as rock solid! This, to me, declares the powerful words of Bertrand Russel: "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves, but wiser men so full of doubt."

When I read or hear stuff like this book, I feel ill. Why cast stones, when you yourself do not have sufficient proof (if any) for your belief? What scares me is had I read this book a few years ago I would have accepted it as evidence of my faith. I even saw one of my writings from years ago and while describing why I believe I said: We allow our minds to be sucked away by the "logic" of atheists.

Was I really so arrogant and foolish? I was. Tragic.

I am angry now. However, I in no way am saying that this is the only claim, nor the general ideas of the prominent Jewish rabbis and teachers. Judaism has brilliant thinkers who have written far better books, and are open and accepting of science and atheists.

If one believes he may not be told not to. but he must be humble and realize he does so not out of proof and logic but out of an inner calling. In addition, he must certainly never chastise a non believer.

Estranged from Myself

I feel estranged from my own body.

I watch my body go through the actions I have become so accustomed to doing but my heart is not there. My arm is strapped with tefillin, my head wrapped in a tallit, my lips move, forming the words but my mind stares at me, confused. My mind races with the doubts that fill me so. I have become almost separated from my religious experience. Going through the motions like a machine.

I still challenge and question. I find that many people do not bother themselves with questions of faith. Maybe at one point they did, and maybe they heard an answer of sorts, and then they climbed into their belief curled up and were content happily ever after. Is that my destiny? To be so unextraordinary? To live without passion in my belief? To follow the steps as I have been taught without presence of soul? Have I sealed my own fate?

Or should I leave it all? Should I cast my belief aside until I have reason to believe it is actually true?

But, what of my future children? Should I rob them of a life with meaning? Should I raise them in a world without objective truth?

I know that, like many of the people in my shoes, if I were to leave my faith, I would be remembered as someone who gave up the truth for a life of temptation. Such is the way of some religious thinkers. They believe it is okay to ask questions so long as you are willing to accept their answers. If not, you are a fraud. Tragic really.

Well, they should know: I have an incredible life. I have a wonderfully close knit religious family, I am respected in my community, I am knowledgeable in the vast library of Jewish thought, and up until recently, I saw it as my duty to battle philosophically for God.

And then I asked questions and more questions and found that many of the religious thinkers I have spoken to have admitted that Judaism is not objective truth.

Objective truth as I understand it is a truth that can be proven objectively. Such as 2+2=4. No one can reasonably argue with such a claim, (except philosophers who have an annoying tendency to be skeptical of any conclusion) it is not based on a person's orientation but because two items put together with another two items is four items!

The more I realize that the reason I sit here with a kippah on my head and not a cross around my neck is simply that I was born to my parents, is the more I realize I have no objective belief at all.

How long shall I live a double life?

How long does God intend to let us wallow in our misery?