Friday, May 16, 2014

Fear of God-lessness

The more I think about it, the more it plagues my every thought, the more I know: I am terrified to live in a godless world.

I know there are no proofs, no 2+2=God. God is the most difficult, if not impossible, mystery to solve; and is perhaps the most important one. It is no wonder man has created schools of faith from the moment he was conscience of himself. I am no expert in the gods of the past, but the God of today is certainly an answer to the questions that every conscience has been relentlessly asking man to solve. "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" These are questions that every thoughtful person asks. Religion offers man the answers, the conscience is calmed, and life becomes infinitely better. God means purpose. God means life has meaning. God means that death is in no way the bitter end. God means we are free.

This is why religions have so successfully captured the hearts of humankind. It is why many rational people will believe in the most irrational claims. God is everything, or we are nothing.

I am stricken with fear to live in a godless world. I can only contemplate life without god for a few moments before I am overwhelmed by a sense of loneliness and uselessness. At such times, I can feel my hopes shattering like thin glass around me. I feel the passion that enlivens my heart oozing out of me. A dark melancholy envelops my thoughts, the world all but loses it's color, and my spirit is left beaten to the ground.

I know it is my own cowardice that I cannot face a godless world. I don't believe in God in the conventional way. I would not claim to know he exists. I am sure of nothing. God, to me, is a fleeting hope. He is my dream and fantasy. I know I have already written a counter to the rationale behind hope in God, yet I can admit now, that my hope is not rational. I need life to have purpose! To accept that I am just an evolved primate and that my conscience is a chemical reaction, and I am not truly free; why, I simply do not have the courage.

I am no fool, I know that there remains a strong possibility that as life rolls on, my hope that there really is purpose will fade into oblivion and I will have to face a world void of God. I only hope, that when the time comes, I am strong enough to do so.

Perhaps, my hope will never fade, and I will live a life of purpose and passion until my dying day. I will hold onto the belief that life is not a tragic accident from which one would want to escape, but a beautiful tapestry of some loving God above. Perhaps...

It is not rational -- there is no reason to believe there really is a God, or that he agrees with my perception of reality -- but it is essential... for now.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The God Hope: A Lame Case for Morality

What rational have I for the "God Hope?"

That was the question I received from one of my friends just an hour or so ago. It has since left me spiraling out of control. 

When I first came up with the "God Hope" idea it sounded great. It was a way to live a moral life and have, what I felt, was a rational reason for it. Even if I don't believe in God, the hope of God was a good enough reason to behave in a moral fashion. 

[Morality, as I am defining it here is: The ability to do what is right even if it means sacrificing personal pleasure. Of course, I realize that in order for there to be a "right" or "wrong" in an ultimate sense there almost needs to be a god of some kind or another...]   

To be clear, I want to live a moral life. I get pleasure from it. For whatever reason I have always seen a moral life to be an ideal. I say "for whatever reason" though I strongly suspect it is a result of both my religion and the culture that surrounded my upbringing. 

So, if I were to claim that I lived my life according to reason and at the same time wanted to live a moral life, I would need a way to reconcile living morally and living rationally. Hence: the "God Hope." The hope that all of life has purpose and my goal to make the world a better place was not for naught. 

In truth, I have discovered it is but a rationalization for an inner need to be moral, without much rationale in it. On what basis have I placed this hope? Why should I believe God does exist, or even if he does, that he also views morality as a great ideal? Perhaps he has a different set of morals? Perhaps he despises morality? Though the "God Hope" allows me to live a moral life, is it not the same "leap of faith" the religious people make? Can I really say that I live a life of reason basing so much of it on an irrational hope?

The flaw in the "God Hope" simply is: Morality -- as an ultimate -- is only an ideal if there is purpose (God) to life. I believe morality is the greatest ideal. Therefore, I hope there is a God. 

The flaw is so glaring I am embarrassed I hadn't seen until now!

Reason in a godless world could only lead us to an amoral society. Would there ever be a reason to help someone in need, if by doing so I would be causing pain to myself? Is there any logic behind sacrificing one's life no matter the cause? Is there a case to be made for it's value outside of religious belief / God hope? If so, how strong is it? It seems to me that moral societies are better societies. Places one would want to live. The question remains:  Can I fool myself enough to sacrifice my own life for that better society? The society, because I sacrificed myself, I will no longer get to enjoy? Morality as an ultimate ideal is baffling without God, therefore: religion, therefore: God hope. What will be of logic. Is the only way to live a fulfilling life to fool oneself into belief in God / purpose? Or is there some logic for morality without the need to take refuge inside belief?

I know these are not new questions. I know that philosophy has been dealing with these questions for centuries. I am realizing now that the "God Hope" may have been an attempt to circumvent the centuries old predicament. A way to be a morally religious atheist. I now see it was but a lame attempt. 

I don't think I am a real atheist. Perhaps deep in the corners of my mind there linger fragments of faith that cry out from the depths. I may have thrown out religion as ultimate truth, but have I held onto God in someway or another? It would seem I have. 

I don't know how long I will hold onto God. I also do not know how I could go on in life without God.  

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

A Protest to Living Mindlessly

I sit up in bed. Whereas in the past I would be rushing to the morning prayer service, I now just sit. When I suspended some of my religious practices, I did so out of philosophical integrity. If I saw no reason to believe in Judaism as some ultimate truth, then to act out of guilt or fear would be inconsistent and inauthentic. I would arise and strengthen myself not to pray and feel a sense of, I'm tempted to say, religious fulfillment.

Yet, as life has become busier, and my mind hasn't the time to contemplate the "answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything," I find myself slipping into a state of secular mindedness. A superficial perception of reality. A reality in which life loses some, if not all, of it's wonder and grandeur.

To be secular (in the way I am defining it here) is to see life as a machine and not a mystery, to experience life as a happening and not a calling.

To be clear, I do not view the lives of the great movers and shakers of the centuries-passed as secular people. Though they may not have identified to a specific faith, they seemed to live their lives with a sense of purpose. They sought to better the world. Through their innovations, discoveries, and movements,  they changed and it many ways made the world we inherited a more pleasant place to be.

I realize as I write this that "secular" may not be the word I should use. Perhaps mindless is more appropriate? Either way, I fear a life, just lived. Indeed, some people are alive today, simply because they didn't die yesterday.

Religion, with all it's flaws, gives man a reason to get up in the morning, a duty to perform. And though, much of the time the practices become rote and almost meaningless, the practices and traditions themselves protest a life lived mindlessly. A religious man doesn't just eat, he recognizes that some do not have, and is thankful for his portion. He does not just wake up, but is aware that tomorrow he may not, and feels the preciousness of life.

Religion causes one to become reflective on life and introspective of self. Religion causes one to live mindfully.

However, I must say that though I see the gifts religion has given it's followers, I still find it outrageous to accept any religion as ultimate truth until it can be proven. Do not call it God's will unless you can back up that claim! I recognize that many faiths, Judaism included, have attempted to prove that their beliefs trump the others. And, where this makes for a delightful debate, for it to be of any worth one would have to prove that God communicated with man at all, which would lead to the necessary proving of God; a current impossibility. God, like Bertrand Russel's "celestial teapot," is an unfalsifiable claim, rendering it's discussion a disappointing dead-end. Therefore, one can conclude, no religion, by way of negating another religion, can prove itself, and any attempt to prove religion will result in inconclusive arguments for the existence of God. Without proof of God, how could you prove he spoke to man?

This then is my challenge to all faiths or religions who claim to know the word of God: The burden of proof is on you. You must bring sufficient proof that you are in fact a divinely inspired philosophy of life before any rational person should accept you as such. I think that it would be a great benefit of the world if we viewed our religions as philosophies of life. Suggestions to a wholesome and meaningful existence, while remaining only the work of humans and therefore imperfect. We could then present them, critically examine them, and either accept or abandon their teachings as we do everything else. Why believe dogma without evidence?

I do not to know if indeed the world void of religions claiming to be God's will would be a better world. Surely there have been philosophies that have claimed millions of human lives when in the hands of the wicked. Maybe the world needs to believe in religion for it to have it's effect?

On an individual level however, I see no reason to accept what any man claims if he cannot offer proof. This, it seems to me, is a rational way with which to approach all of life, a certain healthy skepticism.

To conclude, I fear greatly a life lived mindlessly. Since religion offers a structure for living everyday mindfully I can see it's value. However, I think the world, or at the very least the wise individual, should view them in the context of philosophies, and should examine their positive as well as negative aspects. Unless a religion can be proven to be actually some eternally binding Divine truth, which, as I have shown above, I believe to be a current impossibility, it is the most rational response then, to be skeptical of it's claims.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

I Do Not Believe, I Hope

While walking alone last Friday night I thought deeply about a world with no God. I thought about the rational way to live in a world void of a god. Would there ever be cause worth dying for? Is there really a reason to try and make the world a better place? And probably most awakening question: In a world where death is the inevitable end, is there any reason to fall in love? Indeed one could extrapolate that: Is there any reason to continue to live?

As I walked alone, I contemplated the utter loneliness of a godless world. The dark street enveloped my mind. It became apparent to me why man would believe blindly in God, and has for many centuries. To face this world as what it is, a material and rather brief existence, is to become aware that the calling of your conscience is a product of chemicals reacting in your brain, and not whispers from a world beyond. It is to grasp that the grave for which we are all bound is approaching rapidly and is truly the end. There is no god looking down and guiding the world to some sublime paradise. There will be no resurrection of passed loved ones, no destroying of the evil, and, worst of all, no purpose for anything that ever was or ever will be.

Thankfully, science has yet to prove unequivocally that God doesn't actually exist, and for the sake of mankind, I hope never will.

I do not believe in God. That is to say, I do not know without doubt that above us is a supernatural Being who is attentive to the world and cares about it's continual existence.

However, in order to continue to strive towards greatness, to have a rationale for my moral actions, I feel the need to hope there is a God. To hope that there is a purpose to my existence, a reason for me to continue to be. Otherwise, I see no reason to love, to laugh, to battle evil, to sacrifice... to be. That hope is what makes all of life meaningful.

 I don't know how long this hope will last. It is hard for me to make an argument for God. All his actions seem non-sensible. Why create a world, then wait billions of years to connect to man, hide yourself from them, and let evil destroy your world? Is it all to test the devotion of the lucky ones born to families of believers? How are we to know which god you are? Are you the popular one of the last few centuries, or perhaps a forgotten god(s)?

The more I learn about evolution (which is very little at this point) the less God is needed to explain the mysteries of the world.

Yet, I hope.

All that being said, I see no reason to believe or trust any of the religions that claim to know God's will. There is no reason, and it is in fact ludicrous, to accept that one preacher knows the will of God more than the next! Why should I live by a set of statues whose divine origin cannot be proved? Religions have always capitalized on man's need for there to be something more than this world and have created elaborate structures to nurture that need. Perhaps a lot of people need that?  Perhaps, to keep that "God hope" alive one needs a structure that claims to be divine? Perhaps, even I will need one eventually?

So to sum up, no, I do not believe that God exists, I hope God exists.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Is God or Isn't He?

Do I believe in God?

I challenge myself with this question everyday. I waver from agnostic yet inclined to believe, to agnostic inclined to be skeptical. I know what I want. I want there to be a God. I want him to some how make sense of this chaotic world I was born into. I want that his real plan is universal equality and brotherhood.

My fantasy now is that there is a God, and that he is attentive to the world, yet all the religions are wrong and in no way his actual design for creation. Of course, there is no reason why this should be true, which is precisely the reason I wrote "fantasy" as opposed to belief.

What if there is no god?

If that doesn't send chills down your spine, I would say that you either believe absolutely (and therefore the question is meaningless) or do not understand the importance of a god being.

Why is God so important? For without God, this world with it's horrors, with it's unbridled evil is all there is. Yes, there are beautiful things in this world even without the existence of a god but do they really outweigh the darkness? The possibility that one only has this brief lifetime whose end is cold dirt and decomposing flesh. What a horrifying thought! Without a god, everything we do or achieve, everything we build or perfect, regardless how lofty, is utterly meaningless. Indeed one must regard the words of Ecclesiastes: "Futility of futilities -- says Ecclesiastes -- futility of futilities. All is futile!" (Ecclesiastes 1:2)

Some may rightfully disagree with me. Some thinkers find a certain irony or comfort in the knowledge that this is it, and there is no beyond. This way of thinking confounds me greatly.

Someone may read this and assume that I then say that God must exist. That is not what I mean to say in the slightest. What I mean is that God is certainly the ultimate comfort. A warm blanket to wrap yourself in when confronted by tragedy or humbled by the strength of nature. Is it really a wonder why man would have felt the need to create him?

Yet I cannot proclaim, and may never be able to, that God absolutely does not exist or even that I am almost certain that he does not.

Is it simply a childhood indoctrination or perhaps a connection to the wondrous and mystical? I do not know. Ah, how frequent is that statement these days: "I do not know."

So do I believe in God? No. Do I accept him as a possibility? Yes. Do I live my life as if he is or isn't? Depends on the day. What a strange place to be. Unlike the believer or the atheist, I do not have some "philosophy of life" that I can say I live my life by. I am a small ship being tossed about in the mass ocean of doubt.

I therefore must leave off echoing the words of the great Greek philosopher Socrates who admitted: "The only thing that I know, is that I do not know anything.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Dear God - A Letter from Your Son

Dear God,

Where are you that I might find you?

I believed in you. Then I searched for you and found nothing? I saw pain. I saw love. I saw darkness. I saw light. I saw misery. I saw comfort. Are you all of these or none of these? Are you... at all?

Preachers say they know you. They claim to know your will. They say we must follow them and they will lead us to you. But there are so many preachers and they all have different claims; who then am I to follow in order to find you?

Psalmists say they have seen you. That they have experienced your glory. Their eyes fell upon a sunset and their lips declared your name. But I am not psalmist. I only see a setting sun. How then am I to see you?

Prophets say they have heard you. That you communicate your will to them. But I am not a prophet why do you not want to talk to me?

Scientists say you are non-existent. They say you are just part of the human imagination. They say the world proves it.

Why have you left me?

They say you're my father. That you love and care for me, but then why have you turned your back on me?

They say you're my king. That you are the ruler of all, but how am I to serve that which I don't know exists?

That is the truth; I do not know that you exist. I want you to exist. Most of my life has been engulfed in that hope. Yet now, I see no reason to believe in you. They say you authored a book, that its contents are eternal, that its ways are pleasant, but why then is my moral conscience repelled by it?

Do you know that most people have stopped caring whether or not you exist, they just care if they feel good or not? You are their escape from reality or worse, the sword in their hands. You have been used to start wars, to burn cities, to sacrifice life.

Do you simply not care? Why do you let your name be defiled and used to motivate evil?

They tell me I'm supposed to praise you daily, yet you let darkness roam free when you have the power to stop it, what is praiseworthy about that?

Some say that this is all part of some master plan and that evil is really good. Why should I accept that? Babies at the mercy of monsters is good? How foolish!

God, you are comfort; but is that all you really are? A light at the end of a black tunnel? A friend to hide behind when fear strikes?

Am I a heretic because I use the intellect you gave me? Why would you give me a mind powerful enough to destroy you?

I will serve you, if I know you.

I will love you, if I know you.

If not, if this is the lot of the man who searches for you, then God, I guess I'll go on from here without you. My heart stings as I write this. I loved you so much. I served you. I spread what I thought was your truth and you left me in the desert without water, you turned your back.

Are you mad at me?

Am I now your enemy?

Are you happy with me?

Is this the Divine plan?

Best wishes,

Your (un)faithful son



Thursday, April 3, 2014

Faith vs. Reason

What is to be considered more praiseworthy: Faith or reason?

What should be the greatness of man, if he perfects his art of reasoned thinking or if he has absolute faith? The basic follow-up to this question is faith in what? We can surely say that when you meet a man who believes that Elvis is still alive and the man beside him lives a life of reason, we would surely respect more the man of reason. The religious man would thus claim: Faith based on logical reason is the greatness of man.

He will say that whereas the Elvis believer is simply foolish, his religious belief is based off reason and therefore far more superior.

This is a great flaw in the thinking of many religious people. They, like most humans, respect and demand reason in their daily lives. Moreover, they scoff at beliefs based on no reason, yet when it comes to the real proof of their own beliefs, they demand a certain so-called "transcending" of reason. They seek to use and abandon reason at their will.

Isn't odd that in all other aspects of our lives we strive, albeit many times unsuccessfully, to make decisions based on a logical thought process. In fact, we rationalize so many of our life choices in order to fool ourselves and others that we are logically oriented people. Yet, when it comes to religion we are asked to abandon our reason and "transcend" to the plain of knowledge beyond. Is this not a preposterous request?!

Why should we abandon reason and believe in a group of Divine laws?

And so begins the argument for and against religion's utilitarian purpose in the world.

Truth is lost. Reason scorned. "Faith is the ultimate, if it's my faith... not yours. Yours is ridiculous and senseless." Quite sensible is it not?