Why I Don't Believe pt. II

It is best to start from part one of this series: Why I Don't Believe pt. I

God and the Meaning of Life

As I stated in the previous post, I do not believe in God for the simple reason that, to do so one needs to, at some point, abandon reason. Since in every other aspect of my life I attempt to act in a way that reflects reason, why would my belief in a deity be any different?

However, the case can be made that the idea of "God" gives man a reason to live. God offers man meaning, and a sense of purpose. God answers life's most challenging questions. One need not ask: "Why am I here?" if he knows God created him for a designated purpose. God gives man the ultimate meaning that can surpass all suffering. God can help man weather any storm since he knows he is being watched and protected. It can help man face the cold reality of death, knowing that soon he will enter a new realm, and that it is not the end. God is a friend to the sick, a shield to the warrior, and a purpose to the philosopher. God is, seemingly, everything.

One can then say, if the idea of God gives man so much, who cares if he really exists? As strange as this claim is, I have heard it many times. Many believers when challenged as to why they believe resort to this answer, which I imagine they think to be profound. It is, however, brutally honest, and there is a lot to respect in honesty.

Many men fear a godless life. I have felt this fear as well. This fear has caused me to hold on to some of the fragments of my faith, even if they are pushed the deep corners of my mind. It is truly comforting to know that maybe, just maybe, there really is a purpose to this relatively tiny planet orbiting a enormous fireball. I imagine, when confronted with great suffering, many staunch atheists, entertain the idea that maybe God really is there, however brief this thought may be.

Since God's existence is quite desirable, perhaps then, I should suspend my reason, if only this once, and indulge in a God-filled existence? Firstly, is this really possible? Can one, at will, begin believing in something simply because it adds something to his life? I posit that one cannot.

As an experiment: Take Santa Claus, for example. Everybody knows there is no such person living in the North Pole who comes to our houses on Christmas eve and delivers presents through our chimney.Though a fun myth to tell kids, this is certainly something of which you do not believe. Now, start believing in it. When I write "believe", I mean that now you know without doubt that Santa exists in all his glory that he does, in fact, visit the homes of the good children and brings them presents. Could you do it? Could you believe at will? I imagine you could not. Belief is not a choice, it is a result of something else. It is not something you do, but something that happens to you.

However, perhaps one can lead himself to the place of belief. For example, if someone attends a church service every week, constantly reads literature on Christianity, and completely immerses in it, there is a good chance that he will become a believer. So perhaps, I should take on this method  and re-establish my belief in God in order to have a ultimately meaningful life?

I can understand why man in times of insurmountable struggling may revert to this method of suspended reason, but is this, even if it is possible to do, a healthy way to confront life?

When a loved one dies perhaps the mourner may begin to believe he hears the deceased whispering to him from his bedroom window, this may help him to cope. We, who are not dwelling in his pain can not judge him, yet on an objective level, would we say that he is in a healthy state of mind? Certainly, we hope that a good friend of his can help him through his misery, and eventually he can rid himself of such delusions.

God, though he certainly offers comfort to the tragedies that befall man, cannot or rather should not, be accepted simply based on this fact.

It is certainly a very difficult task to face life for what we can see it to be, but it seems that all would agree it is the healthiest state of mind.

In addition to this, I do not think that a non-believer can't live a meaningful life. This is certainly not the case. Though, I am aware of the question of Ultimate Meaning: Can there be ultimate meaning in a reality void of God? If so, what is this ultimate meaning? And if not, can there be any real meaning without ultimate meaning. I have yet to answer these questions. It is a challenging question, one my mind is deeply confounded by; but it is not a reason to give up, switch off my mind, and accept God, simply because it is the easiest way to answer these profound inquiries into human life.

As not to come off as arrogant, as always is my fear, I will include here that I know there are many religious people who do not believe simply because it allows them to answer these questions. I know many religious people would not make this their case for God. It is a claim, however, that I hear repeatedly and therefore feel it necessary to write the response to why I do not accept God based on the fact that he gives man a sense of ultimate purpose.

Though God is a comforting friend in times of darkness, I do not see it to be healthy to create delusions that warp my view of reality no matter the result, therefore I do not believe.

Why I Don't Believe pt. I

Is God Reasonable?

I feel that though my blog has been an accurate journal of my thoughts and feelings revealing the man behind the doubt; I feel compelled to explain to my readers and more importantly, my future self, what it is that turned me away from faith in God, and not just how I feel.

The God of the theist, as he is known today, is a Being of absolute omnipotence. He is infinite and lacking nothing. He created and sustains all life and matter in the universe and beyond. He created everything for a purpose and protects and attends to all matter from the largest galaxy to the crawling worm. In him, we must place our trust and love. We must devote all the days of our lives in service to him, as he is our king.

Now, all religions have the their methods of service, laws, and practices. Each one -- claiming to know the Divine will -- has established complex systems that are to be studied and carried out by all it's adherents. I will not, at this point, delve into the many differences between the religions of today as I have neither time, interest, nor the necessary knowledge.

The question here is why I chose to abandon my faith in God in the first place.

I remember when I believed in God. I knew with absolute certainty that my God was the true God and all other gods were products of fabrications and mass delusion. However, after viewing the dedication of members of other faiths, I became perplexed as to how I was to know that my inner knowledge was, well, right.

Indeed, the Christian and Muslim would die for their faith as I would have died for mine, how then, was I to prove that my feelings were superior to theirs. As I declared that I was God's chosen, they too exclaimed the same.

In search of the answer, I did what any self-respecting believer has done at one point in his life; I ventured to see why -- using the method of reason and logic -- my faith trumped the others.

Of course this led me to the necessary follow-up question: "Even if I could prove that my religion was more logical than the other religions, how do I know that any of them are right? Perhaps God only communicated to special people in secret? Perhaps he is a sadistic god who thrives on cruelty? Perhaps he is a god who simply does not care? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... Perhaps he doesn't exist at all? I remember being stricken with fear when this conclusion crossed my mind.

After much contemplation, I concluded quite obviously, that there simply was no objective truth. To quote the brilliant German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “There are many kinds of eyes. Even the sphinx has eyes - and consequently there are many kinds of 'truths,' and consequently there is no truth.” To be clear, there is of course, a Truth. Either there is or is not a God, a truth known only, unfortunately for us, to the deceased.

For the living, we must accept, that "truth" is only a hunch based on a varying number of factors, some better than others. My truth is not better than your truth, unless I can present my truth using an agreed upon method (ie. Reason) to be superior to your truth.

Reason is a guide for most people today. By it's laws we can manage, or attempt to manage, every aspect of our lives. We create civilized societies, discover secrets of the universe and converse with our fellow man all using Reason as a guiding force. Indeed, many scholars say that it is our supreme ability to reason that sets us apart from the animal kingdom. Our ability to reason has propelled mankind from the tribal evolved primates that once scurried around the planet to societies that have walked on the moon.

This, therefore, became my standard for accepting or rejecting God. Could the existence of God be proved using the method of reason? Certainly there have been many grand attempts, all of which, in my studies, have been debunked or at the very least replaced for other, more reasonable, theories.

God is an unfalsifiable claim. His very nature of Otherness requires us not to be able to perceive him! He is the wholly other. Absolutely incomprehensible. Thus, God is not to be found through the method of reason. How then am I to find him?

Through the miracles? Whose miracles? Which religion does not have a bag full of stories that were perceived as divine intervention? Which religion does not have miracles that testify to it's truth? Aren't their always more reasonable theories that would fit our general sensory perception of reality better?

That may be the most important point. When seemingly miraculous events occur, or have been said to have occurred,  isn't there always a theory that doesn't need God to explain it? Isn't the "our world" theory, which no doubt is a product of reasonable deduction, always more desirable than one that creates a supernatural being? Well, maybe not always more desirable --  but certainly more reasonable.

This, then, was what turned me away or rather made me deeply suspicious of my "knowledge" of God's (my God's) existence. If I could not prove him using reason, then no matter what I felt in my heart to be true, I could not say that I knew it to be.

I can only claim to know that which I can reasonably prove. God is not able to be proven through reason. Therefore, I do not believe.

The Holocaust Collides with God

The following is a recording of an event that took place to me last Friday night:

I sit in the synagogue, my prayer book before me. It is open, but I do not read from it. Instead, I am reading a book by Viktor Frankl titled: Man's Search for Meaning. It begins with him describing his experience as a prisoner in the concentration camps. It is raw. His goal is not to sadden the heart -- it is to psychoanalyze the mental state of the prisoner -- yet my heart is weeping.

Along with the sadness, I feel rage. When confronted with the Holocaust I am usually left in rage. So incomprehensible is it's horror that I become enveloped in a childish anger which stems, I believe, from a sense of helplessness.

As I read the heart wrenching words, behind me I hear the congregation has begun singing the "kabalat shabbat," the prayer welcoming in the Sabbath eve.

"Come! -- Let us sing to God, let us call out to the Rock of our salvation." 

The room is full of song.

I read how Viktor had to endure tortures beyond my wildest imaginations, and wave after wave of praise for the great Almighty God, wash over me.

"Sing to God a new song, sing to God -- everyone of earth. Sing to God bless his name, announce his salvation daily." 

I feel as though I want to scream. "Salvation?" What of the children he let be gassed; what of the men and women who starved? Why didn't he save them?

"...righteousness and justice are his throne's foundation."

When babies are murdered can he who let it happen, can he who could have prevented it, be called just?

The songs wash over me, filled with devotion and love. The men sing with full hearts. They pour out their undying love for God. And I sit enraged.

I do not see why anyone would want to praise a being who although able to save lives, allows them to suffer and die? I do not believe in God, but even if I did, why is he deserving of my love? If he truly exists, and is the master of all things, surely I must fear him, perhaps obey him, but praise him?!

Ah yes, what of the goodness he supposedly bestows upon me? Perhaps for that I should praise him? Well, consider a doctor who saved my life, but who lets the man in the hospital bed beside me die in agony, even though he could have prevented it. Should I praise such a doctor?

Perhaps I do not understand his plan? Perhaps there is a great master plot of which I am ignorant? Perhaps. So over the murdered babies I should rejoice? Over death of the innocent I should be filled with glad song? If God is good, and his actions are all ultimately good, then why be sad over a Holocaust? It is all for a master plan of goodness.

Perhaps, he is punishing us. Perhaps the children were murdered because their parents didn't follow in-step with the will of God? I know you don't think that any just God would be guilty of such haphazard punishment, at least I hope you don't.

This post was written as a record of the emotional feelings that sprang to my mind as these two worlds -- the darkness of the Holocaust and the praising of God -- collided. I know that any religious person, who has ever considered the question of evil and God, has his own answers for the challenges mentioned above. I do not mean to come off as arrogant or as claiming that religious people are not sensitive to the horrors of the Holocaust or of any other human calamity. I know many of the faithful struggle in the face of evil, and that they have felt deep anger at God for his seeming complacency.

No, these are not new questions. They are not some great inpenetrable logic that erases the probability of God.  Alas, they are but outpourings of a sensitive agnostic heart. Please read them, not as an offense to belief, but as a challenge. These are not the words of a hater of religion, but of a hater of suffering.

It is these questions and others written in this blog that distance me from the God that is worshiped today.

I will leave off with the question of God and evil, with the powerful challenge of the Greek philosopher Epicurus:

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

What Is So Lonely About Doubt?

I have titled this blog, "The Lonely Man of Doubt." It is a play on the title of a book written by Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik titled: "The Lonely Man of Faith." Both titles are true, though in opposite circumstances. A believer in a sea of atheists surely feels the loneliness that surrounds a claim in which he strongly believes. Conversely, I feel in my situation, except it is not a belief that I possess that is causing the loneliness, but a lack thereof in a strongly religious community.

I do not always feel a sense of loneliness. I have a lovely and loyal family, an embracing community, and other deep and meaningful relationships with friends. I can be, though choose not to be, surrounded by friends, or at the very least friendly acquaintances, all day and night. I am, by the look of it, the least bit alone.

Yet, because of my doubts and lack of faith, I am alone. I do not perceive the same world as the people around me. We read the same scriptures, yet where I see inconsistencies or immorality they see misunderstandings and God's will. We witness the same occurrences and they see miracle and I see nature or coincidence.

I will challenge a point in religion or faith to the believers and they seem calm and undisturbed by it. They shrug and say they don't care if they could prove it, or that they feel no desire to challenge their faith. To them God is so real, that his denial is an act of philosophical foolishness. Who has time to discuss the validity of a claim they know to be true? They are unfazed by my questions and are not provoked to search their inner soul for the truth. Though, they seem to indulge in it as delightful table talk, and to them, it is just that.

There are few places I can go to converse with people of like-mindedness. Most of the time, I retreat to the the writings of the great philosophers (both secular and religious) to find my solace. It is in their brilliance that I find an escape, not from the questions, but rather to people who also heard them.

I do not wish to give off the impression that I am not happy -- for I believe myself to be -- rather to convey the unfortunate lot of he who trudges against the current. He, who will not just lie on his back and let the river drag him along, but will stand against the raging waters and move in the opposite direction.

Yes, I am aware, and never falter from saying, that there exist, as well, religious people who in the face of mockery by non-believers still held their ground, so to speak, against the tide. They too, I'm sure, would agree that there is a great loneliness to be found in such a life. Hence: "The Lonely Man of Faith."

Where it is faith that is praised, the non-believers are viewed simply as they who do not want to believe and/or are searching and eventually will find the truth in faith. In the world of belief, it is the atheist who is the blind fool walking along the river banks.

This is the great loneliness I feel. The intellectual island upon which I stand. They cannot see my world, as I cannot see theirs. I still believe it better to be true to thyself, than to march in-step with the herd. It is for this reason that even if I could somehow find a way to eradicate my doubts and become a believer again, I would not; unless it became apparent to me that it was, in fact, in truth that I had once believed.

And when, in the times of great loneliness, I wonder if I should just "switch off my mind" -- though I am not sure that is at all possible -- I am comforted by the words of the hero in George Orwell's 1984: "Being in a minority, even a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad."  

The Dangers of Religious Thinking

There is a grave danger to be found in religious thinking. When one views the world through the context of a particular religion he will eventually have to cast reason aside in the name of a higher truth.

We are seeing it play out before us in our days. The homosexual community is fighting for equal marriage rights and their most staunch opposition is coming from the religious who must -- if they wish to hold dear their scriptures -- declare that homosexuality is wrong and must therefore not be allowed.

To try and reason with them would not help. It is not reason that they answer to, but God. This would be something quite noble, if they knew, in fact, it was God instructing them and not ancient man. I used to be embarrassed when my secular friends would challenge me on homosexuality. I would have to shrug and admit that God didn't explain why it was wrong, he simply said it was, and therefore, I must.

Knowing in your heart that something is true without having fact to back it up, should make one deeply suspicious of his beliefs. I am always astonished that religious people are comfortable saying they don't care whether their faith is in fact true (though they no doubt think it to be), because it offers them a structure for life that they enjoy. Perhaps it is just who I am, but I am not going to suspend my reason simply because it feels good! I am not going to condemn someone as immoral if I can't present a logical argument to prove that claim.

I know there are many religious people who do not judge others and would not say their beliefs should be used as objective truth. Rather they live quiet lives, worshiping their God and living by his word. With such people, I have no complaints, and as you will see further, I think this is the only way to be religious today.

The danger inherit in this type of closed religious thinking is clear: When someone will suspend his reason in the name of an unproven religious commandment, what's to stop him from performing the greatest cruelties in the name of religion? The extreme factions of Islam are certainly our most recent example of the dangers in such thinking. I need not bring other examples here, for you only need to read the Old Testament to see that many children of Caananites and Amalekites were killed in the name of Divine command.

I am not saying that we need to abandon all religious thought. To say that the system which brings happiness and meaning to the lives of millions of people needs to be eradicated, I am not so bold. I cannot, without overwhelming proof, say such a thing.

What I am purposing is a certain humility that needs to come coupled with religious belief today. An understanding that since no god has stepped forward on a global sense and the arguments for a particular religion are, at best, a metaphysical hypothesis, means that religion is an individual decision and not to be pushed on others. When faced with a logical argument combating faith, the believer must step away. Religion cannot impose itself on anyone, and religious practitioners should know they are acting out of an inner feeling and therefore should not try to force others to feel the same way.

I am afraid of religious thinking. Afraid that many people are against certain groups simply because they have a feeling that a certain faith is the correct one; and that reason and logic are secondary to what one may feel in their heart is true.

This is not true of most atheists. Since he has no doctrines he must believe are true, when he finds out that the world is in fact round and not flat, he has no problem (or should have no problem, provided his pride isn't entangled it) correcting his world view to fit the facts.

We live all of our lives, or at the very least strive to make all our decisions based on logic. We pride ourselves, and rightfully so, when we best a man using a reasonable argument. Yet, when it comes to our religious beliefs, we hold tightly to them even in the face of reason.

I feel that where an atheist looks for supporting evidence to prove a claim is correct; the theist knowing the claim is correct tries to find evidence to support it.

Which system should we trust?

Of course, those who believe, believe. They therefore, would read what I have wrote and say: "I am not acting against reason, I am listening to my God; that may be the most reasonable thing to do!" The challenge I have for such a person is: Do you know that you are listening to God, or do you feel you are listening to God? Why have you accepted the claim of your religious leader? Do you always trust people without demanding facts? Are you not at all suspicious that just as there are many religious which claim to be true, and you would posit they are not, that yours, as well, may not be true? Why should you abandon reason for faith? And finally, and perhaps most importantly, what will stop you from causing harm to others, if your faith commands you to?

The Value of the Mind and Society's Decline

Where has the glory of the world gone? The earth may orbit the sun the way it always has, but society seems to be spiraling downward. Spiraling into an abyss of consumerism and worship of the self. We live an age where physical appearance is all that matters. Young adults are preoccupied by the latest pop star and their unstable relationships, or drug abuse. The young disrespect the old, for what worth is their wisdom in a society which worships the body?

In a discussion yesterday, someone posited that it was in fact atheism that is leading society down into these shallow waters. I have heard the argument of athesim against religion and vise versa many times, each blaming the other for the current society.

I do not know the answer. I have heard very good arguments on both sides of the debate. In fact, I think both of them are wrong. It is clear that both atheism and religion have had repercussions on society and each has to answer for his own. Yet, I am not convinced that either can take the sole blame for the state of the present society.

I think a far greater evil is at play here. One that needs to be rectified on both sides of belief. The epidemic of thoughtlessness. Less and less people are taking an interest in philosophy. Less and less people today really contemplate the essence of life. When I tell people I want to study philosophy in university, the overwhelming response is: "What are you going to do with that?" I understand their concern. How is someone with a degree in philosophy going to make the big bucks? They are right; I probably won't. Today we want acquire more and more things, we want all the physical world has to offer and we could not care less of the acquisition of wisdom.

In Judaism, to it's credit, the mind is still very valued. From the time I was a young lad I was hearing stories of this wise man or that. They were praised for their wisdom and the hours they spent studying. Knowing scriptures by heart and reciting them is the hobby of many young Jewish children. Understanding the works of the many wise men of past and present, is what many Jewish young adults focus hours of their time on. Older Jewish men and women will continue to review all that they've learned with the hopes of seeing it from a new angle. I once saw it written that the Hebrew word for a scholar of the Bible is: talmud chacham. Which literally means "wise student." In Judaism no matter you're age or wisdom, you are always a student eager to learn. I would imagine one would find similar values in the other religions.

There are also an amazing amount of atheists whom I have known or had the pleasure of reading that stand for me as clear evidence that many atheists spend hours contemplating existence and what it means that there is no God. Throughout history many atheists have posited new ways for morality outside the bounds of religion. Within the company of these men and women one may find himself in shock by the value put on wisdom and reason. It is not the brute with big muscles that is valued by these thinkers, but the one who has perfected his art of reason and is knowledgeable in the field of discussion. I need not make a defense for these men and women for they are known by most. Their legacy and teachings have inspired centuries of thoughtful men and women. There are many amongst us today -- though most not famous or rich -- who continue to inspire the minds of young men and women across the globe.

My point is to show that I do not believe religion or atheism is to blame in any way for the decline of society, except that maybe they are failing to inspire their followers to value the mind over the body. We need to reestablish the pursuit of wisdom as a duty of all humans. For when man begins thinking, society will have a better chance of not sinking.

We need all men and women and even children to reopen the books of the past, read them, be inspired by them, and create a society of thinkers. The mind is all that separates humans from the beasts. What future can a society of thoughtless beasts truly have?

Taking the Red Pill

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill -- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill -- you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I'm offering is the truth -- nothing more." -- Matrix (1999)

If I could return to the days before my doubts, would I? Would I "take the blue pill," wake up again a   passionate believer as if nothing had ever happened? I know many people who would. I know even more people who are too afraid to venture this far off the coast of their convictions, thus the question is irrelevant to them. 

I must declare that, no, I would not want to return. I would rather die an honest person, than a happy person. I would rather a life steeped in insurmountable doubts, than a life lived blindly. 

My soul is in torment, my heart in pain. I seek and seek for the illusive truth -- the meaning of life. Truth, the very word is queer to me now. What it is, I do not know. Whether I will ever know what it is I cannot say. And so, on and on I stumble down a path beaten with the footprints of heavy-headed philosophers. I read their writings: their findings, their doubts -- their misery.  The way is dark and gloomy, and I would have it no other way. 

I do not criticize, nor look down upon someone who lives within his beliefs and does not challenge them. That is a choice, a good choice. A choice that will lead him to live a life of happiness and meaning without having to work very hard for it. I respect his life decision, it is just not mine. 

[Of course, I am not saying anyone with a belief in God or religion, or anything else, should be considered as to have not challenged their beliefs. A statement of such arrogance I -- someone who has amassed little to no wisdom -- could scarcely make in good conscience. There are people far greater than I who have found what they call truth, and I am sure they came to it through careful critical analysis. I would just demand they could prove it to me before I would accept it.]

I do not take credit for my decision, it is who I am. I was raised to think outside of what was comfortable. To question relentlessly. I was taught not to settle, and to take my questions with me where ever I go. This, among other unknowable factors, created in me the need to pursue knowledge, the desire to find truth at any cost. 

So here I am. A ship lost in the sea of doubt. Seeking to know the seemingly unknowable. Grasping the wise men's books hoping to find some direction. My questions on God, religion, the nature of good and evil, the meaning of existence, will not be satisfied with the common answers flung from mouth to mouth. I know most, if not all of these questions, are unknowable and therefore, by inquiring into their nature I am inscribing myself to a life of intellectual suffering; and I would have it no other way. 

I will journey forward. I will become wise. And on the day of my death I hope that I am proud of who I am, proud that I took the red pill.