Up until recently I have been content in my knowledge of God's existence, with the knowledge that Judaism was a true religion and that I understand the will of the Creator of the universe.
However, about a year ago a friend began to challenge my faith and I discovered my vast ignorance in the topics I thought I knew so well. It led me on a journey that has taken me no where, but has put a terrifying question mark on everything I held dear. I do not intend to back away from the challenges and doubts I now face, but to solve them one way or another.
The first question I faced was about my understanding of truth. If we are born into a world, I reasoned, that was influencing our thoughts from little after we are ejected into it, then what claim have we to know that what we believe to be true isn't in fact just a product of our environment? Since the communist, the Jihadist, the capitalist, and the Buddhist, all claim to be holding onto the truth, could I really claim that being born an Orthodox Jew didn't affect the way I saw the world and truth? Could anyone be bold enough to make such a claim? Therefore, because we can't trust our thoughts to be of our own design (and not influenced by the society around us), we have no more claim to the truth than anyone. The word truth, besides being an illusive unattainable ideal, all but disappears.
These thoughts troubled me and caused me to inquire among other believers. The general answer I got from people who understand the question was that it is the feeling, the inner voice of the soul, that validates what their rabbi's told them. It is not the cold facts that the man of faith is concerned with; but the divine feeling that connects them to the beyond. That certain "knowledge" which, they claim, transcends reason and logic.
Others still, proposed that in fact the feelings that haunt them are not to be trusted and it is only the proofs of God's existence that concern them. To them, the God debate does not exist. In fact, they declare, he who sees not His works in this world is a fool. That "God" is the most logical answer to the mystery's of the universe.
After much contemplating and studying, I am fairly certain that the road to God is paved with wonder. Wonder, a most perplexing human condition, is a the function of man to see a phenomenon and instead of turning away bored or seeking to explain it, man simply stares innocently in awe of it's power or beauty. This seems to be the way man must seek God. Through honest almost child-like wonder he must gaze at the world and in face of the puzzles presented simply "know" that Someone or Something had to have created it.
This is of course still riddled with difficulties and religion has not yet been validated or proven but at the very least I know which goggles I must peer through if I hope to see what the man of faith sees.
This blog will serve as a medium for me to present my thoughts, doubts, fears, questions and constant chaos which fills my mind most of every day.